Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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