Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
