Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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