apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
