i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
