We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
