I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
