I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
