so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
