I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
