so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
