bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
