she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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