remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
false alarm, still single
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