...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
