So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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