You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
