just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
