They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
