I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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