Your dad touched me again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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