I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
