i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
