You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Damn victory sex feels great
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