He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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