I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
