I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
