Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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