New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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