My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
