They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have fence marks all over my body
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
