It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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