why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
