I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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