I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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