I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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