I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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