Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
