do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
