i can't believe i had my finger in that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize