I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
