At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
