You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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