Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
