you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
