Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
