i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
