Princesses don't give blow jobs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
