Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we're so committed to being not committed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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