Where is the hickey?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
