stop calling my apartment porn island.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
