New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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