just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will be naked everywhere
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
