Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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