I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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