I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
