I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
