barbara walters just said penis...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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