Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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