Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
