The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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