So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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