in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
