I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
