True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
