Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
