I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize